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It doesn't matter what I do, the pain is there. I have overcome many hard times, sad times, but this feels like a part of my heart has been ripped from my chest and has left me bleeding profusely. I cry through out the day, and the night. Sometimes screaming out why.....oh why. Questioning, although I know I should not. I can't help it. It all seems so unfair! I just can't get the cruelty of the whole thing. A punishment that is merciless, so harsh, it's shameful. What is the point? I'm about to join a group of people who are in the same boat, a community of people, those who share a similar heartache along with me. Parents and loved ones of incarcerated men and women. In so many ways it feels like family members of those incarcerated are punished as well. I received a letter I wrote my son back in the mail today.....RETURN TO SENDER. Addressed perfectly, no mistakes. It had been opened and read, I'm assuming, and then returned to me. Why would that be the case? I have no idea..none. If I were to talk to my son on the telephone....I would have to go through a certain system, that charges the family member about $22.00 for a 15 minute call. Why is that the case? I just don't understand! Going to visit him now while he is still in the county jail is terrible. It's not even my son that I'm sitting in front of, but a odd looking contraption of a video screen. He has to keep his head lowered to view me, so most of our 20 minute visit, I'm staring at the top of my son's head. They have the system set up so every visitation can be monitored and recorded. It's very sad and humiliating. I haven't laid hands on my son since the first of this year. I mouthed I love you to him in court and the bailiff looked at me with indignation and shook her finger at me. Can anyone tell me what harm was in my telling my son I love you?
I'm sorry for ranting today. I pray soon I can get get this blog and my life back to some normalcy. Blessings, Shelley
Do not apologize for venting. I just sent you an email.
ReplyDeleteGrace & Peace,
Pam ( Mrs. G)
Thanks Pam, I'll go check your email ♡
DeletePrayers for a solution to your struggles. I hope the group you join blesses you with comfort and an understanding of how to cope with your pain. Remember your other children still need their Mama. Don't make the pain all your own. Look around and see if others are struggling too. A normal will return to your life it just won't be the normal you had before.
ReplyDeleteGod Bless
Thank you sweet friend ♡
DeletePraying for peace for you. My heart aches for you. The system seems so harsh, I know. I like what Olivia said above, "a normal will return to your life, it just won't be the normal you had before.". Is there any chance for an appeal for your son. Even though, that takes much time to work it's way through the system. At least it gives you some hope. Continue to lean on the Father, from where all peace comes.
ReplyDeletePeace to you,
Cathy
Thank you so much Cathy......blessings
DeleteI was so sorry to read about what has been happening in your life right now. Is there any legal aid person that you could ask about what the deal was with your letter being returned to you, and how to go about getting mail to your son? Maybe someone in the group you are joining will have some ideas about how to at least get mail to and from your son. The high cost you mentioned for phone calls would be a hardship on most people.
ReplyDeleteYou, your son, and family are all in my prayers.
No apologies necessary for venting. You never know when someone reading your post may have some ideas that will help you in some way.
Take care Shelley.
Susie D.
Thank you Susie, your comment is a comfort ♡
DeleteI have never been in a situation like this so I don't know what to say except be strong and pray. You must try to keep your spirits up for your son and pray for him. My guess is he is pretty sorrowful and would not want you to be so, too. Very hard situation for a mother.
ReplyDelete